the dark side

They say that everything has two sides. It’s either positive or negative. The moon, for instance has another side-the dark side, we say-that we cannot see from here. The only way to be able to see it is to go and explore the depths of space.

I, myself has two sides. Just like the moon, I have the side which shows what people like to see-happiness. And once in a while, I would like to hide and be alone when I can’t take it anymore. Just like the new moon. And just like the moon, I have my darker side. The side wheremisery prevails. The side where fear and anger rises up. But beneath this other façade, I try to hide myself in a mask of smiles and laughter.

But there are people who misunderstand the reason I hide. It’s because I’m weak. Weaker than anyone can think of. I’m afraid. I’minsecure. Not from anyone but myself. I’m afraid that I will not be accepted. I don’t have the confidence that would help me struggle with life. And lastly, I’m afraid to get hurt. I try to be strong though I’m not. I know I’ve got a lot to learn and I’m not even perfect.

PERFECTION. Arrrgh. I detest this word. I mean, NO ONE is perfect. So why in the world are people struggling to be one? I’mimperfect and I’m proud of it. I have flaws that make me who I am. Imagine a world where everybody is the same and with just one tiny flaw, you would recognize who I am. I mean, with a world wherein everyone is perfect, no one would actually be.

I have flaws. And with these, I make my own mistake. I know that I am not all-that. I make mistakes and I struggle to correct them. So to those people who do not understand me and give me your so-called compliments, try to look at your own selves. You say you hate me ‘coz you don’t like my attitude and I should change. In telling me these things, aren’t you making your own mistakes like talking behind my back? And why the hell will I change for you? I don’t even like you guys. There.Ha-ha. I would change for myself. It would be my choice. Mine. Not yours.

I have life, well, minus the love. I get them as little as possible. Every one has a prince charming. Well, boo-hoo. He’s so stupid he got lost. Or maybe I’m in a very secluded part of the world that he can’t find it. Or maybe he doesn’t know where it is. [I’m here!]

But still, when everything seems to stop at a dead end, everything goes to the wrong way and I feel as if I’m being swallowed by darkness, I see a patch of light in front of me. I try to follow it and I see hands. Lots of them. The people who owned these hands and brought me out of the darkness were the ones who really cared. And as tears fall down my face, I remember the memories that I tried to lock up inside a box and stuff it somewhere inside my brain. And as I tried to pry it open, it came to my surprise that there wasn’t any lock. I then saw the times when we were laughing about the simple things in life like Paumispronouncing fortune cookie and said cortune fookie instead, Jean saying erasement. I realize, deep inside me, that there are still little pleasures in life that I overlooked in my greedy quest for happiness.

Because even though boys cheat, friends stab, people hate, die, others even lie, and memories fade, life goes on in every little way possible.

Though occasionally, I get sad and be depressed, I also get the real happiness I want, the real smiles that suddenly illuminate my face-just like the full moon.